Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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