Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it because I queefed?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
