OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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