shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
