I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
