I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
