When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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