You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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