i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
