i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
