I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
