she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
