mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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