do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
