i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
