i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
