I can feel you judging me through the phone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
