eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
