Screwed.edu
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
