You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
