I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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