Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
