Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
