ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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