She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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