My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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