I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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