guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
