I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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