theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
