Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
