My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
