Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
A+ Viking dick
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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