6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
