I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
