I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
