the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
