well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
