I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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