Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
