i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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