hotel room ftw
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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