Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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