i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
