Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
