your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
