Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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