the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I love you. Go after that dick
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
