There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
