I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
