Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
