I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ok first of all what the fuck
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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