My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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