if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
