Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
