Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
